Mental Health

The Absence of Epiphany

One day I realised that no one really cares that much.

I mean this in a good way: people are far too wrapped up in their own lives to spend time thinking about that one stupid comment you made earlier.

It seems obvious now, but as a person with social anxiety, convinced that literally everyone she knew hated her, this was a huge realisation for me. Of course, it didn’t eliminate my anxiety altogether, but it had a big impact on the way I felt and acted and made me slightly more able to bounce back from harmful thoughts. I’ve been lucky enough to experience a few of these “epiphany moments” in my lifetime.

For most of us, unfortunately, such moments are scarce. The false epiphany is much more common: we have a realisation; an “I should write a novel” or “I should tell that person I love them” moment, and then continue to live our lives exactly the same way as we did the day before. Our wild dreams bound far ahead of us, and we are left to find some path through the sticky reality.

But worse still is the absence of any epiphany. The reality that you are in the thick of it and there is no easy way out; you struggle to get through each day at a time. I am trying to see it as a good thing. Without aspiration, I become free to experience each day as it comes, free of the desperate need to better myself every day. Free to be sad, to be nothing for a while. One day at a time is hard enough.

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